She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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