I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
May the power of my ass compel you!!
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Randomize
