watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Randomize
