Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
