Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Randomize
