so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
