Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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