Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
