When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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