im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
