where am i from again
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
