i just wanna soil my oats bro
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
