Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
