we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
