He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I wish there were birth control emojis
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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