She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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