After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
