There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
