Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
