How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
