cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Randomize
