im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
