its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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