Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
hell yes lets make some ravioli
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
