I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Duck Duck Cougar?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
