One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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