I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
