Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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