turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
