i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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