he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
