I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
