I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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