He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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