i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
