I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
