somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
