Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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