i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
