no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
