omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
