apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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