You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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