Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
