Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
