There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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