Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
