Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
third nipple confirmed
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
