well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
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