good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
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