The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
