you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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