i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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