she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
