Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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