I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I will be naked everywhere
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
